How to (Safely) Look for & Have No-Strings-Attached Sex

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In an ever-swiping courting panorama, typically, you wish to get laid with out a huge dedication. There’s nothing improper with informal intercourse. And though I detest the time period “hookup culture,” it’s not reserved just for millennials (nor as pervasive as we’ve been led to imagine). Plenty of individuals of their 30s, 40s, 50s and past are doing the promiscuous factor. Relationships take effort and time, and typically, these parts are off the courting docket. Done proper, one-night stands may be stress-free and enjoyable. Here’s the way to do it.

Have no expectations

If you enter an off-the-cuff intercourse state of affairs with no (and I imply no) expectations and security in thoughts, no-strings-attached intercourse may be an effective way to discover your sexuality with out emotional baggage — at any age. Let’s be clear although: NSA intercourse will not be about candlelit dinners and deep conversations, so don’t throw warning to the wind with somebody you actually, actually take care of. You might suppose you’ll be able to deal with it, however belief me, emotions all the time worm their means in. Not to say that informal intercourse all the time precludes intimacy.

Know your motivations

Before you leap into one thing, check out what you are seeking to get out of the scenario.

“First, know thyself and feel comfortable and aware about your motivations,” Dr. Carol Queen, a sexologist, tells SheKnows. “I’ve positively identified individuals who weren’t sincere about their causes for stating they wished informal intercourse, caught emotions, abruptly behaved not-so-casually. You can discover a life companion when out taking part in round — I did — however it’s necessary to be sincere with your self and be ok with what you are doing.”

Queen says this implies being sincere with the no-strings particular person too, so you’ll be able to be sure you aren’t truly incompatible together with your so-called informal hook-up’s true motives: “Failing to do this opens the door to drama.”

Use courting apps to seek out like-minded companions

So, the way to do you discover a companion who needs the identical belongings you need? Jennifer and Sean Rahner of GeekySexyLove are huge followers courting apps. “They are a great way to pinpoint what you are looking for and screen potential partners,” they are saying.

The Rahners be aware that there are new ones launched day-after-day, so it’s troublesome to maintain up with all choices, however you need to use one thing like Tinder, which exhibits you matches who’re geographically near you, or OkCupid, which permits for a bunch of personalization when it comes to sexual orientation, gender expression, relationship desired, and so forth., and matches you with different people who find themselves like-minded via a collection of questions.

“Your desire for an NSA situation can be expressed via your answers to their questions, and you can easily find partners who feel the same,” they add.

Use specialty websites for area of interest pursuits

The Rahners additionally recommend searching for out specialty websites if you’re on the lookout for one thing particular. “I counted at least a half a dozen sites geared toward ‘cougars,’ which might be just the perfect opportunity for an NSA situation,” they are saying. “Younger man/older woman matches can be a ton of fun, sexually, given our different sexual peaks.”

Have the troublesome conversations prematurely

Another motive the Rahners are followers of assembly through an app is that it’s usually simpler to have consent and safer-sex discussions on-line earlier than assembly. “If a potential partner balks at condom use or says they’ve never been tested for STIs, do you really want to invest your time and energy in meeting them?” they ask.

Again, assembly on-line is an effective way to kind via choices earlier than spending useful time. “Bring up difficult conversations — STI status and testing, safer-sex protocols, pregnancy-prevention options (if applicable), NSA expectations, consent expectations — as you’re getting to know each other via chat and once you do meet, any ‘action’ can just flow more naturally.”

Steer away from extreme alcohol

Queen admits it might be somewhat controversial, however she suggests attempting to develop your abilities, your recreation, your casual-sex persona if you end up extra sober than not. “I really believe casual sex can be a good thing, so I have a dog in the race — I want people to do this because they want to and feel good about it,” says Queen. “Party drink and drugs can cover up mixed feelings, and I urge people to be aware about that. Also, it lets you learn the safety elements of getting intimate with strangers.”

We ought to all be protected on a regular basis. “I want that to be true as much as anyone, but in lived experience, I want us to be able to keep our wits about us when it comes down to that,” she says. “Also, to the degree you are actually in it for the pleasure, don’t cover it up too much.” A few cocktails can be great for so-called “liquid courage,” however might make you much less conscious of your environment — which may very well be a security concern.

Be ready

If you’re enthusiastic about causal intercourse, undertake the Scout Motto: Be ready. “If you have lube, condom, sex toy preferences, pack them in the big handbag before you go out,” says Queen.

Always be protected

Of course, even when your intent is an NSA encounter, do not lock your self into a selected scenario sight unseen. “Meet for coffee or a drink in a public place and discuss how you’ll proceed if one or both of you aren’t into proceeding once you’ve met,” says Queen. “Book your own room if you are traveling out of town so you have a place to retreat if the situation isn’t right. Make sure a trusted friend knows who you will be with and where. Arrange for a check-in call so that someone knows you are safe.” 

Aside from security, NSA intercourse is all about having fun with your self. So so long as it is enjoyable and nobody will get damage, go forth and have informal intercourse with out penalties!


Charyn Pfeuffer from theguardian.com

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